Pleasure Gap and How to Close It

September 08 2021

Pleasure is something that every person should experience while having sex with their partner. Unfortunately, that is not the case for many people with vulvas, which has led to a disparaging pleasure gap between the sexes.

The reality is that 95% of people with penises can say they've climaxed during their most recent sexual encounter. In contrast, only 65% of people with vulvas can say the same. In this blog post, we'll explain the importance of your personal sexual exploration and how communicating with your partner can help you effectively close the gap together. 


Why is There a Pleasure Gap?

While there are many potential reasons for the pleasure gap, lack of education and communication are the most common causes. 


Sexual Education Fails to Teach the Importance of Mutual Pleasure

For many adults, the only sex education they've received was during their middle school or high school years. Not only is sex-ed not mandatory in all 50 states, but only 22 require that it be medically accurate

Sexual education classes do nothing to help the pleasure gap as the topic of pleasure is seldomly even discussed. Students are taught what to expect during puberty, how to prevent pregnancy, and the danger of STIs. 

At the end of the class, students will have a general understanding of how babies are made. Still, there's never any discussion about how sex can be an intimate and pleasurable act for both partners to enjoy. Sadly, most teenagers gain their sexual education from watching porn which sets unrealistic and even harmful expectations for what folks will experience during sex.


Lack of Communication Between Partners

While the pleasure gap has many causes, one of the most damaging is the lack of communication between partners on their preferences and desires. Some may feel embarrassed to express their desires to their partners, or they've simply gotten used to or given up after years of unsatisfying sex, or what is worse: they blame themselves for not been able to enjoy it. Most partners would be very receptive and probably would appreciate guidance on the dos and don’ts in bed. Being respectful yet clear in the way we express our needs and wants is the best way to go. Avoiding making your partner feel at blame in any way but still getting your point across.


How to Close the Gap

Communication is the Key to Improved Sexual Satisfaction

Having conversations outside of the bedroom can often be an easier way to approach the subject of pleasure as it can be challenging to try and spring it on your partner in the moment. People with vulvas need to feel confident and assertive about their needs and preferences in order to bridge the pleasure gap. On the other hand, people with penises need to be receptive to their guidance as well. 

A good partner will welcome feedback and should want you to feel pleasure during your lovemaking. Offering compliments and praise when you're enjoying the current activity can go a long way in helping them understand what they are doing right.


Explore Your Own Pleasure

Exploring your own sexual pleasure is the best way to ensure that you can effectively communicate your desires with your partner. Every person experiences pleasure differently, and we all have different preferences when it comes to our own sexual satisfaction.   

Take the time to explore your body and discover which areas and sensations bring you the most pleasure. Adult toys are a great way to experiment with different types of touch so you can get to know your body and what sensations feel best for you. 

There are many different types of adult toys that you can bring into the bedroom that focus on pleasuring vulvas while still enabling sex with a partner. Vibrators and clitoral satisfiers can provide incredible clitoral stimulation during foreplay and penetrative sex. 


Expand Your Idea of Sex

While there's nothing wrong with penetrative sex, it's not the only kind of intimacy that leads to pleasure. Statistically, between 70% and 90% of people with vulvas are unable to reach orgasm through penetration alone

Non-penetrative sex like mutual masturbation, playing with adult toys, passionate kissing, oral sex, stroking, and rubbing are also ways to experience pleasure. These forms of sex can always be very intimate and allow for clear communication between both partners to ensure pleasure. A 2017 study showed that longer intimacy sessions that contained various positions and activities were more likely to result in pleasure and orgasm for people with vulvas with a communicative partner. 


Bridge The Gap with Your Partner

You can start to bridge the gap with your partner today. Your own self-exploration is paramount to understanding your unique preferences so you can communicate them effectively with your partner. If you're looking to try different adult toys as you get to know your body or spice things up with your partner, browse our collections today and transform your sexual experience.