In any new relationship, talking about topics involving sex can seem awkward and hard to approach—sex toys are no exception.
However, there’s no reason to be ashamed when talking about your sexual wants and needs with your partner. In fact, by doing so, you’re opening your relationship up to brand new opportunities, as well as helping bolster your communication and sexual satisfaction.
Here are our top four tips on approaching this particular topic with your partner:
Tip #1: Be Careful Not to ComplainIn any facet of your relationship, complaining about your partner can lead to issues and communication breakdown as you both take a defensive stance. However, that risk is doubled when talking about sexual matters because their sensitive nature.
For this reason, it’s essential to approach the subject as a proposition and not a complaint or implying something is not right or missing. Present it as something new and exciting to try, rather than as a critique of your significant other’s performance in the bedroom.
We’ve found that the best way to do this is to use a “positive sandwich” when making your request— essentially, you sandwich the statement between two positive comments that will make your partner feel good.
“Last night was amazing! Imagine if we’d add toy XYZ? My friend told me it feels amazing, I would love for us to try it!”
By framing your statement this way, you can avoid inadvertently having your partner doubt their performance and help them become more receptive to the idea.
Tip #2: Be Willing to CompromiseSexual satisfaction is an area that is heavily wrought with preference, so being willing to compromise during the discussion is a must.
We recommend naming a specific sex toy you’d like to try with your partner and asking them how they feel about it. Then, if they decide it just isn’t something for them, be understanding of that and see if there’s another one you’d both like to try.
The goal of the conversation is to come out with a decision that makes both of you happy!
Tip #3: Shop TogetherOnce the two of you decide you want to take a step into the world of sex toys, it’s always a good idea to spend some time shopping for them as a couple. Whether this is online or in-store does not matter—so long as the pair of you are in it together.
However, we do recommend starting with an online storefront. This way, you can both browse without feeling any sense of embarrassment and discuss the various toys you may want to use. Then, you can add them to a cart or wish list as you decide you’d both be okay with trying them.
Not only does this make keeping track of your potential toys easy, but it also turns shopping for them into a couple’s event that helps the you both bond over this new facet of life.
Tip #4: Don’t Wait for the Perfect Time. You Won’t Find it.Contrary to popular belief, there isn’t a specific time or place that makes the sex toy conversation “appropriate” to bring up (although perhaps try to avoid dinner time by your in-laws).
Many people find themselves waiting to have the conversation with their partner for quite some time, when there’s no reason for that! Some people will introduce sex toys into their relationship on the first night, and others will wait years—the bottom line is, do what feels right for you!
The most important thing to consider here is that all couples are different. What’s suitable for someone else may not feel right for you and vice versa, but that’s okay!
So long as you and your partner are both happy in the relationship, just keep doing what feels best for you both.
To Wrap it Up:At the end of the day, you can plan the conversation, prepare for it, and execute it flawlessly, yet that won’t mean your partner will be willing to try it.
There’s nothing wrong with needing or wanting sex toys to experience new sensations or to intensify our pleasure. If your partner absolutely doesn’t want to compromise on the matter, try to focus on their reasons why. There are tons of misconceptions and misinformation both around toys and sex itself. There’s a very good chance the reasons to oppose sex toys to be a part of your intimate encounters be based on some erroneous ideas. You can both look into them together and research while bonding over it.